Teddy Roosevelt was Mechachronophobic

I was awakened today by the traditional national park alarm-turkeys. It is a proud tradition dating back to the founding of the national park system when Teddy Roosevelt signed his executive order stating "Each lodging in the national park, being devoid of time pieces (Roosevelt feared mechanical watches), will be assigned a turkey (or indigenous fowl) for the purpose of alerting each visitor to the beginning of the day. This should give each visitor time to prepare for the mandatory calisthenics"

Since then, the morning exercises have been put aside but the proud tradition of the alarm-turkey (or goose in some cases) lives on.

I'm to understand this is a legacy position, with children learning and taking the role over for their parents.

This morning I was in for a treat. I was granted the soulful song of not one but TWO alarm-turkeys. They are normally shy when you try to engage them in conversation so I have dubbed my two Nathaniel and Fuzzbutt 2.


After my morning routine, I attempted to seek out these proud traditionalists. I caught up with them at shift change. Nathaniel was departing for other duties and his replacement, Zoot, continued his route.

[Pic 2 is Zoot and Fuzzbutt 2]

I'm pretty sure I witnessed an interoffice rivalry coming to a head, the two did not seem to care for one another. Still, in the presence of visitors, they did not come to blows.

I believe an office counseling session is in order. I'll offer this advice to HR as I depart.